Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Roles We Play; I'm Smeagol?



Have you ever wondered who you are, who you truly are?  Are you a father?  Are you a wife, a lover?  Do you see yourself as a boss, an Engineer, a criminal perhaps?  Maybe you think of yourself as a joker, or an angry bitter individual, a victim, a survivor, or someone who sees the glass half full.

Who exists beyond the roles you and I play in our lives?

I have played many roles in my own life.  I’d like to introduce you to one of them.  I call him Smeagol.  You remember that poor decrepit creature in The Lord of the Rings?  As you read through this, allow yourself to reflect on roles you have played or still find yourself taking on.  This can be a fun exercise in exploration that brings greater understanding and awareness to your life.

Smeagol is scared.  Smeagol desperately does not want to be seen.  He sees the world and others through the belief that he has to prove himself, that he has to be perfect, and that if others see him they will no doubt reject him.  
Smeagol is angry.  Smeagol blames others for his problems and fear.  He needs others to accept him, and wants to let others know how they have hurt and caused him suffering by constantly rejecting him.
Smeagol is sad.  Smeagol wants to know love and acceptance.  Smeagol wants to open his arms and love himself and others.  Smeagol is tired of hurting.
 
I have at times been scared of Smeagol.  At other times I have fought Smeagol and even tried to run from him.  Many times I have accepted him, and yet others I thought I was him.

As I reflect on this for myself and all of us processing and working through aspects of ourselves that no longer serve us this image and prayer comes to mind...

“I am ready to let go of all resistance to this part of myself.  As I stand surrendering to this moment and all of me I allow myself to embody my soul self, feeling my connection to spirit, while remaining firmly grounded to my present home and body.  I let the winds of time blow through and around me, cleansing me to my core.  I am a powerful spiritual being having a physical experience.”