STOP working so hard, and try BEING

On the path of growth there have been many times I have found myself working hard. Change is hard work. It takes commitment, fortitude, time, intention.

There have been times I have worked when I needed to let go, our just "be", however. That's a tough one for me and for many of us. Finding peace or quiet within the storm. Not thinking I have to do it all myself, like it's all on my shoulders.

I remember when I decided to let go of my anger towards my father. It was a conscious decision I made because I wanted greater healing and peace in my life. This brought forth a lot of my unresolved issues with him and gave me the opportunity to deal with them. My approach to healing at the time was similar to what it had been during my time of illness, to approach it with gusto, to work hard, breathe hard, stomp my feet hard, process hard.

I've since learned how to "be" more, which is a learned skill, but one anyone can do, which is to just notice the feelings and thoughts as they come up. Instead of engaging with them, I have taught myself to relax and breathe, allowing the feelings to just flow, and the thoughts to just come and go.

There are times I still struggle, and like everyone still have triggers. One has been about food. I don't like people talking "badly" about food, especially when I'm eating it. Sometimes I would say this, at other times I would find myself sitting down to eat again afterwards faced with a battle going on in my mind. I would be confronted with this individual whom I had to convince of my beliefs, or otherwise feel invisible. And so at times I found myself working hard, when in fact there is no one to convince, no one to fight, to defend myself against; just an opinion, someone's thought, and I'm just left fighting with myself.

Just "be".

To all the Men out there; You are more than your D***

There are 1000's of receptors in your penis. But your body is a wealth of receptors, and there's no shortage, so why limit yourself to one organ!

I've recently begun to allow myself the joy of a pedicure. Even a self pedi is wonderful. Just take some epsom salts, perfumed with lavender or mint, placed in a tub with some hot water, aaah! I found this really cool cleaning supply bucket, which has two compartments, one for each foot at Target, www.target.com. How great is that! Follow that with a little TLC of clipping, sanding, trimming, and you'll feel like a new man.

Just in case you're worried, there's nothing girly about it. It feels good taking care of yourself, even your feet!  We all have feelings, we experience sensations. Don't limit yourself. Life is short. Take time to love yourself.

Roles We Play; I'm Smeagol?

Have you ever wondered who you are, who you truly are?  Are you a father?  Are you a wife, a lover?  Do you see yourself as a boss, an Engineer, a criminal perhaps?  Maybe you think of yourself as a joker, or an angry bitter individual, a victim, a survivor, or someone who sees the glass half full.

Who exists beyond the roles you and I play in our lives?

I have played many roles in my own life.  I’d like to introduce you to one of them.  I call him Smeagol.  You remember that poor decrepit creature in The Lord of the Rings?  As you read through this, allow yourself to reflect on roles you have played or still find yourself taking on.  This can be a fun exercise in exploration that brings greater understanding and awareness to your life.

Smeagol is scared.  Smeagol desperately does not want to be seen.  He sees the world and others through the belief that he has to prove himself, that he has to be perfect, and that if others see him they will no doubt reject him.  

Smeagol is angry.  Smeagol blames others for his problems and fear.  He needs others to accept him, and wants to let others know how they have hurt and caused him suffering by constantly rejecting him.

Smeagol is sad.  Smeagol wants to know love and acceptance.  Smeagol wants to open his arms and love himself and others.  Smeagol is tired of hurting.

 

I have at times been scared of Smeagol.  At other times I have fought Smeagol and even tried to run from him.  Many times I have accepted him, and yet others I thought I was him.

As I reflect on this for myself and all of us processing and working through aspects of ourselves that no longer serve us this image and prayer comes to mind...

“I am ready to let go of all resistance to this part of myself.  As I stand surrendering to this moment and all of me I allow myself to embody my soul self, feeling my connection to spirit, while remaining firmly grounded to my present home and body.  I let the winds of time blow through and around me, cleansing me to my core.  I am a powerful spiritual being having a physical experience.”

You Don't Breathe Enough!

Okay, I have to confess first, I am a big breather.  I am a fan of breathing.  I admit!!  I have a tainted view on the subject of breathing.  There, I said it.

Why breathe?  I mean, why breathe beyond what is essential to sustain life?  Because it helps to increase your bodies oxygen, and it will help you to relax and process feelings more easily, and because it just feels good.

It's been my experience that most of us are scared of uncomfortable experiences.  I'm talking of the internal kind, emotions/sensations like fear, anxiety, anger, pain, etc.  And we're very good at finding creative ways to avoid them.  We blame others, we look for distractions around us, anything not to feel.

And so breathing solves all of this?  No...but it's a good start.

Simply take time every day, as often as necessary, to just be present with whatever you are experiencing.  I said experiencing, not thinking.  Try focusing on your breath, and let yourself relax, just let yourself be, as you allow your breath to deepen your experience.  Feel your belly rising and falling with each breath, letting that become your focus.  Allow your feelings to just become part of the process.  ”I'm breathing and I'm feeling ... I may not like it, I don't have to like it but that's okay, I'm okay, and I'm breathing.”  Allow yourself to feel the safety of your breath, something that’s been a constant for you from the moment you were born.  Think of it like the currents in the ocean, allowing the waves to rise and fall.  The ocean being a mass of energy that has been here since the earth was formed, ever present, stable.

Now breathe, and let yourself enjoy the experience wherever it may take you.

How often do you find yourself arguing with someone, whether they’re present or not.  Have you ever found yourself arguing about some idea in your own head?

Maybe you think everyone should use their turn signals.  It could be that you have strong views about the need for socialized health care.

What is it that you need when you try to state your case?  What would it mean to you if you were not heard, or if your opinion were not received?  What if you did not feel like you needed to defend yourself, or even explain yourself?
What makes this all so personal?

What if you knew  that your truth is completely valid, and that others truths are too?  
What if you could see that each truth is simply a different color in a tapestry made up of every color imaginable,  all making up a greater truth?  

Your truth has value, as do you.  Each of us is worthy and deserving, and it is important that we remember this, not only for our own sake, but to the world around us, our family and our friends as well.

Trust vs Fear

There are many words or concepts that relate to the word trust; openness, freedom, letting go, surrender, being.  Correspondingly there are many related meanings for fear also; ego, defensiveness, doubt, worry, etc.

It is hard for some to feel or imagine what trust truly means or feels like, as it may be such a foreign concept for them.  I think like with everything there are different degrees to which we experience trust.  

I trust that when I breathe in I will breathe in air that contains oxygen, allowing me to continue to live.  This is an unconscious or innate trust.  I may be able to trust that I will have enough to eat and drink for the day.  These days for some that may not always be a given.  But what about trusting yourself?

Can you trust that your body knows what it needs?  I think in the past we had a greater connection to the earth and our environment and probably could answer yes to this question.  These days many turn to doctors whom they only half heartily trust, and so also look to complementary modes of healing, which include Nutrition, Chiropractic, Acupuncture, Counseling, Massage and other bodywork therapies, etc.  What about your mind?  Is this something you trust?  Finally, what about your place in the universe, your spiritual connection to divine, God?  Are you someone that truly believes you are cared for, and someone who lives from that place, or do you have doubts, questions, and like many suffer from a disconnection between your mind and your heart?

Did you know you had a choice?  

To Trust is to Surrender

I used to think that I had to work hard at everything, to be good at it, to succeed.  I had to be perfect.

How does that relate to a concept like trust?  Working hard at it, thinking I have to do it a certain way, to be successful, may mean I could fail, it may mean it is all up to me, and my small shoulders.

What if trust wasn't something outside of me, a concept, a state I had to attain, but rather a letting go, a surrender to a deeper gentler relationship with myself.

What would happen if I stopped struggling and fighting and could just be with myself?

How would that change the way I respond to my fear, my pain, my joy?

Would that allow a greater sense of ease, joy and self?

Would this new sense of self simply know...TRUST.