We need to move from a culture of shame to one of responsibility and love

I believe we need to move from a culture of shame to one of of responsibility and love, as a step in transforming ourselves and creating the world most of us want.

Shame is so intimately woven into our lives that most of the time we don't even see it. It's in our homes, our communities, our schools, our churches and our government. It doesn't recognize borders, race nor ethnicity. There is research showing that babies, though they may not have the vocabulary, know shame. I suspect that's because they feel and experience it from the mother and also because it gets past down through our DNA.

What often happens when someone makes a mistake, a bad choice, or just screws up...we shame them. More shame...I believe this is worth saying...does not cure shame, nor does it foster growth or change. What it does instead is drive it deeper, causing even more pain and making it that much harder to heal and change.

So how do we go from a culture of shame to one of responsibility and love. I believe it starts with ourselves, or as Michael Jackson put it, “I'm starting with the man in the mirror.”

We need to be able to look into the mirror and take responsibility for our part, and yet recognize that “our part” does not mean the whole enchilada...rather it's the notion that we are all responsible for ourselves, and we all play a part in any given situation.

Our part is a neutral term, not weighted with shame as is often hidden in the question, “Who is responsible for this?”

Responsibility takes on a different meaning through this process. Being responsible for ourselves can help us feel empowered...by owning it we take the power away from others to use it against is, we begin to feel less like victims, and eventually are able to see how the experiences in our lives have helped us become who we are today. The idea that “we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings and our body”, can become one of freedom, and not one of restraint.

As we begin to embrace this new level of awareness and compassion for ourselves, it becomes easier to do the same for others.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Part I

There's been a lot of talk about PTSD recently because of so many Veterans returning from war.  

PTSD has been around for a long time, however, the label for this disorder and it's symptoms has changed names over the years.  The symptoms of PTSD are normal after a traumatic event. It only becomes diagnosable once the normal recovery process becomes stalled.  By stalled I mean the individual is not able to process the event or events into their views of themselves, others and the world around them.

Many people suffering with PTSD also have other related conditions.  These include Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and/or Panic Disorder, Personality Disorder, and Substance Abuse to name a few.  These can either precipitate the condition or develop because of it.  Often by treating PTSD many of the related conditions either improve or become resolved.

Symptoms of PTSD follow exposure to a traumatic event or series of traumatic events.  These symptoms fall into three catagories, emotional, behavioral, and cognitive.  Many individuals suffering with PTSD tend to avoid (behavioral) certain situations, people, and places that bring up feelings (emotional) or memories that are uncomfortable.  By using avoidance they try to protect themselves from re-experiencing these uncomfortable sensations.  Meanwhile the cognitive aspect also continues to keep people with PTSD stuck by creating thoughts that continue to manufacture emotions like those experienced through PTSD and others, such as guilt, shame, and blame.  Finally emotional symptoms can also include anxiety, hyperarousal, insomnia, hypervigilance, irritablity, moodswings, and difficulty concentrating, among others.