I remember it was a beautiful day in early spring. The sun was shining and I could hear the wind as it rushed through the new leaves just coming out on the trees. I wanted so much to go outside and enjoy this wonderful day, but there was a part of me that was feeling afraid. My mother used to say that’s the way I was just made.
I didn’t want to feel this fear anymore though, so I tried yelling, “Go away fear. I don’t want to feel you, not one more day. Go away.” I kicked my feet and pounded my fists hard into my pillow, but it was still there.
I curled myself up in a ball on my bed, but it still found me. It can be really sneaky.
Looking out my window I saw people outside, walking their dogs, lying in the sun, riding their bikes.
I began to cry, and I rocked myself back and forth on my bed.
Just then I remember having a thought.
Getting up I pulled my shirt on over my head and put on my shoes. Excitedly I began to race downstairs on my way out the door.
“What about the fear?” I heard a small voice inside my head. “Aren’t you afraid?
I felt a small shiver down my neck.
And then I leapt out the door, “Come on fear” I yelled, touching that place in me where I felt the fear, lovingly, “You can come and play too.”
And as I made my way outside I remember beginning to feel the fear transforming, and a warm/open feeling taking its place.
You see fear can’t exist where love is, and the best thing you can do when you feel feelings that are scary or uncomfortable is to name them, recognize where you are feeling them, and then love yourself in spite of what else you are feeling.
Remember you may have certain feelings, but you are not those feelings. You are sooooo much more!
