On the path of growth there have been many times I have found myself working hard. Change is hard work. It takes commitment, fortitude, time, intention.
There have been times I have worked when I needed to let go, our just "be", however. That's a tough one for me and for many of us. Finding peace or quiet within the storm. Not thinking I have to do it all myself, like it's all on my shoulders.
I remember when I decided to let go of my anger towards my father. It was a conscious decision I made because I wanted greater healing and peace in my life. This brought forth a lot of my unresolved issues with him and gave me the opportunity to deal with them. My approach to healing at the time was similar to what it had been during my time of illness, to approach it with gusto, to work hard, breathe hard, stomp my feet hard, process hard.
I've since learned how to "be" more, which is a learned skill, but one anyone can do, which is to just notice the feelings and thoughts as they come up. Instead of engaging with them, I have taught myself to relax and breathe, allowing the feelings to just flow, and the thoughts to just come and go.
There are times I still struggle, and like everyone still have triggers. One has been about food. I don't like people talking "badly" about food, especially when I'm eating it. Sometimes I would say this, at other times I would find myself sitting down to eat again afterwards faced with a battle going on in my mind. I would be confronted with this individual whom I had to convince of my beliefs, or otherwise feel invisible. And so at times I found myself working hard, when in fact there is no one to convince, no one to fight, to defend myself against; just an opinion, someone's thought, and I'm just left fighting with myself.
Just "be".
